Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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