I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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