finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
