i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
