who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
