So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
