she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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