If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
