You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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