I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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