You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
