Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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