I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
