the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
