NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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