So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
