Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
