Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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