why didn't you poke me back
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
