My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
