this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
