i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
