So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
