Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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