I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
