just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
