Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
