Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
