Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
