Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
