Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
