So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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