is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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