My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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