we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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