Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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