yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
