I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
