The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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