The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
