Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
