An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize