she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
