I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
