i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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