He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
