I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just gargled with NyQuil
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
