my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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