I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
