When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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