Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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