i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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