God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
