I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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