If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
