Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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