I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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