Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
