Betty ford says i'm here all night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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